Lama dah bertarung dengan keyakinan diri...
I was unlike this 5 years ago...
with friends, family, community...
It was different 5 years ago...
Tak sedar pun semua tu mula hilang
sedikit demi sedikit
mula tak percaya diri sendiri
the only thing I trusted the most was
not being good enough...
I waited.... to challenge myself
and self-blaming
and waited
and another year of still self-blaming
and waited with beliefs that I will get better and things will be better
and was somehow pushed to the edge
and was very sure that I will be digging my own grave
if I did not opt-out
and somehow realized that
whatever the situation I was or will be
I was seen as the all-time failure
incapable, and unworthy
in any way... there...
slowly it took a toll on my mental health
and I was unaware of it
for five years
yes...
still unaware of what has happened and what's coming
Started to think of myself as
a poor sailor, both on and off the deck
not being able to cope with overwhelming workloads nor being a part of any social movement anymore
no more....
So I left~
Dear friends.....
Maintaining course and being patient is very important....
in establishing anything in life....
But, at times, you have to resort to other solutions...
Not to run away
but to find better ways...
........................................................................
Thinking
and zooming out...
To make better judgment and see life better
Sincerely,
Me
