THE unseen STRUGGLE

 Lama dah bertarung dengan keyakinan diri...

I was unlike this 5 years ago...

with friends, family, community...

It was different 5 years ago...

Tak sedar pun semua tu mula hilang

sedikit demi sedikit

mula tak percaya diri sendiri

the only thing I trusted the most was

not being good enough... 

I waited.... to challenge myself 

and self-blaming 

and waited

and another year of still self-blaming

and waited with beliefs that I will get better and things will be better

and was somehow pushed to the edge

and was very sure that I will be digging my own grave 

if I did not opt-out

and somehow realized that

whatever the situation I was or will be

I was seen as the all-time failure 

incapable, and unworthy 

in any way...  there...

slowly it took a toll on my mental health

and I was unaware of it

for five years 

yes...

still unaware of what has happened and what's coming

Started to think of myself as 

a poor sailor, both on and off the deck

not being able to cope with overwhelming workloads nor  being a part of any social movement anymore

no more....

So I left~

Dear friends.....

Maintaining course and being patient is very important.... 

in establishing anything in life....

But, at times, you have to resort to other solutions... 

Not to run away

but to find better ways...

........................................................................

Thinking 

and zooming out...

To make better judgment and see life better

Sincerely,

Me